That mask that hides our insecurities only saves us in the meantime, but your insecurities are there to make you human and to connect with others because they are just like you.

Back when I was in High School, I was pretty popular with everyone and I hid behind my smiles.  Everyone who knows me, knows I have a good smile.  Can’t you tell by my picture?  Anyways, every day I went to school smiling and everyone thought that I had it good.  I was pretty lonely back in High School.  I saw people going through things themselves, and I felt that I needed to reach out to people. I had always felt good about people and wanted to help.  I saw people who were lonely.  I saw people who didn’t like their lives.  I saw people who were struggling in school with their peers and with their school life. I saw people becoming something they weren’t and living up to people’s expectations, which I was doing myself as well.  I saw people, mostly. I have always been like this since I was a little kid. I wanted to help people get to a better place, even though I didn’t have it good when I was younger. I knew that I was different but also, I knew I wasn’t different because I felt what these people I saw went through.  I gave up all of the glory of being popular in Senior Year and ditched everyone who was toxic to me.  I do regret this because these people become major players in my life later on after High School.  I couldn’t go on being that pretty 15 or 16 year old kid that seems to have everything, so I gave it all up.  I ended up letting myself go in Senior Year, and focused on school. I made it to “distinction” or straight A’s in Senior year and after High School I moved back to California. Keep in mind I was living in Massachusetts for four years during High School. 

Anyways, that mask that I put on for three years, that I was hiding behind really made people think I had it good.  At home I had problems with my sisters and my dad, mostly.  My dad was not kind at all and he didn’t understand us.  I’m not going to say what kind of father he was because people would assume he’s still like that, but he stopped doing what he did back when we were younger.  Let’s just say, he was not loving his life and put it out on us. 

I believe that mask that we hide behind, just shows that people are living their lives day by day going through things that we don’t know anything about, until you notice something or they tell you something about their lives.  That mask is a deception of whom we are.  It just saves us from letting people in and keeps those people who are bad out.  Anyways, I don’t necessarily think everyone is bad, maybe these bad people are battling within themselves as well, because they knew life differently. Everyone is going through something themselves, really when you get to know their stories.  The enemy is only there to look within yourself and feel threatened and indifferent towards them.  But if you knew your enemy and why they are the way they are, you would understand that things within our lives happened to make us a certain way.  We are a certain way to due to the causes and effects of life, which I have briefly talked about in my previous posts about the Law of Cause and Effect.  Our lives is a timeline of situations that happened that cause us to behave or treat others the way we do.  If you know that your enemy is like this, you would know that your life is reflected off of others and you go within the self to look at your ego.  Your ego is reflected off of people because most of all your ego comes out in the way you present yourself.  The self is there to hiding behind the mask, and sometimes you feel things about yourself that no one really knows or you sometimes confused about whom you are.  I was, once confused about everything and I was conflicted with myself in my younger years.  I was stuck because people did things to me that made freeze whenever something horrible happens to me.  I didn’t know how to scream when it happened, and sometimes I’m afraid that this thing will happen again, but because I’ve been through it all, I am able to get pass situations since I was able to get through the sufferings or situations that made me feel weak.  There’s people out there who go through similar situations and sometimes people open up to you because they want to feel human.  I never fantasized about being god because I love being human.  Those feelings of insecurities make me perfect and makes everyone perfect because we are able to connect and have compassion for people or for things or animals that remind us of living.    

I am reminded every day of living and I live with compassion for everything, because if I am to say that our enemies go through things and battle within themselves as well, I am having compassion for everything.  Buddha said that in order to understand everything, you must forgive everything, meaning you must have compassion even for your enemies. 

Anyways, please break through the mask and find people who understand your sufferings, so your true self can shine through.  You don’t necessarily need to tell everyone everything, but if you can, tell someone who understands and is willing to listen.  Don’t be afraid of what may happened once you’ve told people, because once you are faced with your problems for reals, you will finally have faced the world and was brave for doing so.  It’s good to be brave sometimes and open up to certain people because you may go pass your insecurities and let go.  Life is about going through situations that make you uncomfortable, dealing with it, moving on and letting go.  The situations are uncomfortable for a reason because you can always learn from it.  You don’t really learn when you are in your comfort zone.  These situations test your true character and make you human.  Even when you have failed and hit rock bottom as many times as you could, you always will find something within yourself one day however long it takes to get you back on your feet.  Sometimes it’s unpredictable and you don’t know when that spark comes, but have faith and hope because when do you have faith and hope is when you have hit rock bottom. You could even have faith and hope when you’re just living life happily but most of all when you are learning the lessons of life, when you are going through a lot is when that big o’ faith and hope comes through and then you are able to work through it and shine. 

I am shining right now, even though it sounds corny.  I have lived a beautiful life, going through the ebbs and flows of life, and now am telling you what you need to hear to get that spark going and get back on your feet.  If you don’t know when things will change or when you will have that spark to move on, just hope that something up there is listening and that there are people who understand you.  Even if you don’t believe in god, then believe that you are a living being that deserves to have a life of happiness.  Everyone deserves to be happy, and I mean it, I was once unhappy with my life, but am now living the life I am living. I am pretty happy even though I have issues with my life.  I believe that life is supposed to be imperfect for a reason for you to understand that we are not perfect like God. 

Anyways, I’m saying this with all of my heart because I used to be there where you are now.  I am doing this to help people, because I understand what you are going through.  What you’re going through, others may go through as well.  We are all the same and in a way we are unique because our differences are there to compromise or look pass since our differences show that we are the same.  We have differences because they are relatable due to these differences.  You have differences. I have differences.  We must accept whom we are according to what makes us different.  We accept because we know other way to go about life.  Acceptance is key here.  You are unique because that uniqueness is in everyone. You may feel like no one understands, so I am here telling you that I have felt different most of my life, but because I’ve heard stories from people and can relate to people, I assure you that the world understands.   

I hope you get pass your insecurities and face your problems head on.  If that one person doesn’t understand, someone else will understand.  Just give yourself a chance or chances to get through situations, let yourself be heard and a chance or chances to be happy.   

Everyone deserves to be happy and you will, too, one day.

Anyways, sometimes I put that mask on when I'm dealing with people, because I don't want people to know things about me, but let me tell you that I take that mask off sometimes and tell people my story and it feels good to know that people do understand when you give people a chance to understand you.  

Today, I found out that people go through similar situations as me and it feels good to know that being human is beautiful because we all go similar situations.  

I smile now with a real smile because I have lived my life and do not regret anything even though certain things from the past were really bad.  I really have a beautiful smile and everyone has a beautiful smile especially when they living the life they want to live. I want to live this life just the way i want to, so please shine through that mask and smile like you deserve to.