I may never find anyone again...but I am happy.

I’ve been single for a while now since 2013 and the last time I dated was when this last guy didn’t want kids.  He had said in the beginning of the relationship that he could not have kids because he was not financially stable to have a family.  On top of that, I did not have a job as well so he couldn’t rely on me financially even though he had a good, stable job.

The reason why I am okay with not finding someone is because I have had the chance to fall in love and I am very appreciative of my ex.  This ex whom I dated five years ago, we had a really bad relationship and it was an out of control relationship, but I couldn’t help how I felt.  I loved him a lot because I saw through his pain and struggles.

It was pretty sad to know what he’d gone through and like him, I understood because I, too, have gone through a lot.  I may never find anyone, but I am happy with being single because I have had an opportunity to have loved or to fall in love.

Some people may never have the opportunity to experience this kind of love or to find that true love, where they understand everything after this person leaves.  They may even be lucky because this true love of theirs will stay with them until the love between them is over.  This ex actually never left me because he would continue to greet me every year on my birthday until last year when I was able to reach out to him and help him through his life.

I knew this that he was still going through things because to me, men don’t change until something knocks them over and someone helps them realize what they have been doing was wrong.  Men generally do not change until that perfect someone comes into their life and makes them realizes something.  I didn’t mean to point things out about his life and make him feel a certain way about how he was going about life.  The only reason why I did that was to make him look at the details and realize that he wasn’t doing something right.  I wasn’t trying to be a self-righteous and a know-it-all or try to fix him.  I do not want to fix him but my point in reaching out to him was to make him have realization and to think about things through.  He has the right to change himself and no one can really change a man until he decides he wants to change himself.  I told him many times that I do not expect him to understand everything and change himself, just that he takes things into consideration and hopefully one day he will understand and do something about it.

I only did this, went back to him to be his friend and to only help him, while everyone mostly told me to stay away and stop talking to him.  I ignored everyone and did what I had to do was think selflessly and try my best to help him.

I am selfless when it comes to people and I am passionate about people that I have love in my heart even though I don’t have anyone right now in my heart.

This ex of mines allowed me to have love in my heart and it has stayed like that for a while.  He is now my friend even though we aren’t close but I see him as a friend.  The reason why I didn’t listen to people because I had to undo what was done to me because people generally leave me.  I just wanted to break the cycle of hatred and vengeance...that's why I don't do things back to people. All of my exes have left me and I am not going to do what he has done to me because no one deserves to be left behind unless an ex did something horrible to me, of which he never did anything wrong.  He only left because of his insecurities and him being unhappy with me.  I let him leave because I realize he was unhappy but I am here with him because I want him to be happy. 

I will see him get married and have kids because I am selfless and I want the best for him.  I am like that, because I want the best for everyone.

Anyways, because I understand love and am not lonely I am not certain if I will find anyone because I have gotten away from feeling lonely and my life is filled with love.  I do not feel lonely.  I used to have that lonely feeling in the past but I have completed myself in the last few years.

So, if you want something in your life, please complete your life and get to be a “whole” because if someone chooses to leave, you will still have happiness in your life since you have gotten away from wanting and needing things when you have completed yourself.

Anyways, this is me, telling you that I do not need to find anyone in my life.  I am good for now.  If it takes ‘til I’m 60 years old to find someone, then I will have that chance later, but I am happy just with myself.

Please have love in your heart and work on yourself where you feel complete…