Undo what's been done to you...

Right now for many years, it’s been years since 2007, that I have forgiven him.  I was really angry with everything and at the world for many years after our breakup since we last saw each other, but that anger really took a toll on me.  I was so bitter I would cry at nights, wanting to take my vengeance out on him.  I had so much hatred for him and for men, that I told myself I would never be nice to another guy anymore not until things got better in 2007.  I was, in a way, a bitch to people.  Some people knew me as a nice person, but most knew me as an angry person.

I had problems with many things back then due to my hatred towards my ex.  I would try to call him up, and try to yell at him for putting me through what I went through when I had dated him.  It was a horrible relationship, because I constantly cried and fought with him many, many times.  When he left, I wanted to put my revenge out on him for putting me through the things he put me through.  I had lost friends and had been away from my family and I even felt suicidal.  I remembered that I would sit in a warm tub of water and contemplate with thoughts of suicide.  But, it never happened…  he was always around me, and we saw each other constantly and when he had left me, it was hard to let go. 

So, when I dated in 2007, I was real angry to my second ex.  I yelled at him and he constantly thought, “Why him?”  He said I was real pretty, but he could never date me because I was a real bitch.  After he left, I knew he didn’t love me because he couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t have a real career.  He mostly saw that in me, and left because he wanted someone who had strong passions in their career goals.  He was real shallow, I would say, and then my friend passed away.  He always said, “Be happy…” (I wrote about him in my blog, he’s the one who passed away.)  After that great loss, I decided I was going to be nice and be happy.  I was always nice growing up, but it was in my twenties when I lost whom I was, because of my first ex.  I stopped being angry and started being nice. 

It wasn’t until years after the second ex-boyfriend, when I dated the love of my life.  I called him “True love” because I changed a lot after him.  He started yelling at me a lot after the first few months of dating and he was going through exactly what I was going through with my first ex.  He was real fed up with people and girls treating him badly that he exploded on me and I was his victim taking the punches like I was a punching bag.  But I never hated him, because I understood why he had exploded on me. All of that disrespect and sadness was put on him made him real angry and it had to come out.  I loved him a lot because I saw his struggles and the sadness in his life.  When I see someone yelling and putting their anger out on someone, I see someone who is struggling and battling within themselves. 

Right there, I knew that I had to break the cycle because in my twenties I did that, did things back to people because of what someone did to me.  Just because of one bad experience with an ex-boyfriend,

After this person left, I decided that I was going to undo my doings, so I let him leave while I was so in love with him.  I had to let go because I wanted him mostly to be happy.  I wasn’t sure if he was going to come back but I had always had feelings that he would, but it wasn’t this case because he came back to be, in a way, my friend.  I wouldn’t call us friends, just two people who care about each other.  We’re not close, good friends, we’re just two people who care for one another, because we don’t converse to each other really.  I had to let him go again because he had to live his life, but while I was emailing him, I told him that he needs to undo what people have done to him.  I don’t know if he agreed but I told him why.

If you want to break the cycle of shit going back to you, you must undo the cycle by being the bigger and better person.  You must be nice to this person or the next person and treat that someone like a human being.  You can’t treat them with disrespect, but like someone who is an equal, because if you are to be treated with dignity and respect, you must treat this other person with dignity and respect. 

When this ex-boyfriend was with me, I was nice to him so I didn’t yell back at him.  I knew that I had to stop doing that, because it’s no way of being a good girlfriend.  Yet, he was the one yelling, but I had to find ways to calm him down because he needed someone like that, and I knew that I shouldn’t yell back at him because I understood his pain and suffering.  I understood why because I was, once there, suffering and being bitter before. 

So that’s why I call him my “True love” because I was faced with karma and I understood that I needed to show and tell him what I learned.   I learned that people need to undo what’s done to them, because the cycle needs to be broken.

Revenge does that, it goes right back to your face and shows you that you cannot dig two graves for him or her and you.  So please, be the bigger and better person by learning from your past and doing things differently by being a good person with a heart. 

P.S. Many people say stop talking to him and I didn't do that, I just kept being there for him until he needed to be away, but what I'm doing is 'undoing what he's done' which he leaving me, so I undid that.  Everyone leaves me but I'm doing this so I break the cycle and not do what he did to me...

That’s my story of ‘undoing what’s been done to you’ so you break the cycle of hatred and vengeance.