That moment when you’ve fallen in love or have loved…why you should learn to love…

Everyone wants to love at first sight because everyone is looking to have that fix, that drive that emotion of feeling like you are on cloud 9, but I don’t desire that kind of love.  Even after you have fallen in love at first sight, you are feeling weak in the knees as if you have fallen and you are in love in an instance you may not stay in love after... I do not want that. I want to be ‘sober’, myself, my stable self, when I am in love.  I want to feel loved when I’m grounded, when my feet, my whole body are all together and functioning, realizing things.  When you have fallen in love at first, things and love in your heart and in your mind goes haywire and you float, but I don’t want that feeling. I do not need to float around all day, feeling butterflies, I want that real love that love that comes patiently and that finally gets here, because learning to love is amazing, you have never known that this guy or woman could make you feel so in love.  This guy who enters your life whom you thought could not change you from the inside, changes you and you realize that, yes, you should never look at someone just once and go, he’s the one.  You have thought about it twice and again and again but have made your choice because you were being rational.  You may conclude that no one can ever replace him, and falling in love at first sight is too risky to even put your trust on someone who makes you fleet at the moment when you have laid your eyes on him, based on his looks or the way he walks and talks.  I cannot risk my life my heart on someone based on how he looks or how he sounds or talks because my life, my heart are too precious to be fleeting or floating on cloud 9.  I am going to approach love with tenderness, love and care with patience because I need to know he will not hurt me in the end.  Even if I've finally loved, he leaves me, I need to know that I have placed my heart onto someone who will not bash me or hurt me furthermore.  I am going to enter into caution when it has something to do with my heart. My heart does not need to be ripped from my body when someone leaves, but when I am cautious of whom I trust with my Heart, I’m going to know that I won’t become the enemy.  It’s just too risky to fall in love at first sight.

I’ve never really ever fallen in love at first sight, not even once… but I have learned to love at least twice.  To me, falling in love at first sight is too risky and it makes you weak in the knees to even know what’s going on. There were times when I wanted to experience it but now I don’t.

I feel it’s even better to learn to love, then to have fallen in love in the end or in the middle somewhere because it’s epic to have loved the one person you’re with, fully with everything you got.  It’s amazing to have loved.

Some people in my life have not had the chance to love, and they rush themselves into a situation without knowing that they can even love the person, but stay with them because they want to love.  That moment when you love finally is amazing just like when you have fallen in love at first sight, even though I never had a chance to love at first sight, but because of this, I don’t have the desire to. I do feel for that person who really wants to love and be in a relationship, because I have always wanted to love and do that again and again.  I feel complete when I love and at the same time vulnerable because it’s that vulnerability that makes you want to have that drive in life, to ask him what you need from him.

When you feel vulnerable and you’re in love, you ask politely for love when you need it.

You can even demand it, to be feisty with your lover and he may even love you more for that.  But the desire to want more by asking something from your lover and then your lover giving it to you like, for example, your needs of wanting more intimacy is called compromising. You learn so much when you are in a relationship, the values that come out from it, teaches you about relationships and compromising.

That feistiness, that passionate love was when I have fallen in love because I saw how desirable passion is. Passion has that fire-y quality to it and keeps you motivated and drives your life, your instincts. I used to not have passion in my life before and when I saw it within him, I wanted the drive and motivation, and it gave me purpose.  Love does that to you, gives you purpose to do what you need to do in order to live or thrive.

I have fallen in love because I saw the sadness, the struggle that that person have endured before I came into this person’s life, and I became aware of how sad his life was.  When I have heard him say those things to me, I felt sadness and became something or someone who has never been, which is to be someone who has in that moment, fallen in love. I have only fallen in love once in my life…but have loved twice.

How to love…?

You choose someone who has good character.  Character over chemistry, is what I say when finding someone or when you choose someone to be in your life.

When you look at someone, you could tell he’s a good man by the way he walks, talks, looks at you, by the way he is with you in the beginning.  Get to know him well before getting serious; this means you should not have sexual relations with him right away.  You should at least give him three or six months before you get sexually active with him.  Men lose interest fast when they’re having sexual relations with someone on the first day or soon after a few dates.

I said “Character over chemistry” because that chemistry may spark when you have gotten to know him, or that moment when you have fallen in love. Chemistry may come later.

When you have seen his vulnerable side, that moment when you open your heart up to him, you feel the emotions flowing through you.  You can tell he’s being serious and true to you through what he is saying or how he behaves in front of you.   Please be careful with a man who is trying to get money from you or wants to get you to do anything bad for him.  A real man does not ask for money or lure you into doing something you’re not supposed to be doing.  Men, think about this too.  When a woman is trying to get money from you, do not fall into the trap.  She may be using you.

If you’re not supposed to be doing something, please do not do it; it is not worth putting yourself into a mess that will get you into trouble.  If it’s something questionable or something that is harmful to you in the end, do not do it.

When he is being real with you, he will tell you and show you whom he is on the inside; Take notice and understand that men do not always tell people about what his feelings are.  Men do not really talk about feelings; they keep that to themselves until he speaks to the right person, and that may be you.

Anyways, you should always ask yourself if this person sees you as someone to be exclusive with, because sometimes it is troubling to know that he does not have feelings for you but is doing things you thought that may have led you to think that you two on a path to being exclusive. 

Ask him at the right time about what his feelings are and give yourself time and patience to do this.

Men usually will tell you how he’s feeling at the moment when his feelings are uncontrollable and he wants you to finally know.  When a man goes for a woman and tells her what he feels, he no longer holds it in because it’s all inside of him.  Let him come to you about his feelings rather because when you go to him about your feelings, a man will probably be turned off.  He should have enough confidence to show you.  Those feelings are boiling within him and he will finally tell you.

Anyways, that moment when you have loved is amazing because it’s a moment in time, frozen… as I remember it in slow motion.  If you can remember that time and tell him when you have loved him for the first time he will love you even more.  That moment when you tell each other how you’ve felt will sink and melt his heart.

This person whom I’ve fallen in love with, I cannot reveal to you whom he is, he does not want to be known.  A lot of people doubt John Doe, but I promise he is not the typical guy.  He has a good heart.  He is still dealing with issues and things.  He will one day love again and I hope he does because he allowed me to love.  I am very appreciative of that, and I want the best for him.  When you love for real, you will want this person whom you loved to be happy even though he lives his life without you, because you can’t just hold on for dear life forever expecting your lover to love you and be with you when he doesn’t want to.  Yes, hold on for dear life, but please learn to let go of your love and let this person be free.  Love should be free, it should not be fleeting or filled with butterflies, it should be grounded and realistic.   My love for him is real, it’s about him finding happiness and me being there for him when he needs it and being his friend, because I am really his friend.  Some people may say that I am being too easy on him, but I know it isn’t that case.  I am tough on him with my words where I want him to realize what needs changing and my words are there, so he could go over and understand when he needs to.  It’s about understanding and realizing what needs to be when it comes to your friends or love.  You need to express what you need in order to get what you want from your lover by being selfless.  Love should be selfless, because it’s boundless.  Love conquers all.  Love frees us all. It’s about trust and it’s about truth. 

Anyways, that’s how I picture it when you finally love…it’s that moment when it’s right for two people to finally be exclusive and move on to the next level of being together.